Two Minutes

For two minutes, I almost caught myself with nothing to do.

It feels like the first time in decades I've kicked back. Well kicked back is a pretty relative term. But it was time enough to play guitar for more than 50 minutes and not almost fall asleep over the fretboard. Time enough to grab some lunch and enjoy the shade and read the news over the internet without having something else to rush off to. Time enough to wind up here.

I'm technically supposed to be on "holiday". Doesn't work so well when you have a car to save up for and some killer rent to pay, so it's back to the old summer job.

Which is actually good in a way. For some reason, I can't stand to be sitting still. I don't know what's driving me on sometimes, but a lot of the time I almost wish it would stop. Forward motion gets pretty tiring - but there's always something to do. Always the next job, project or event, one after the other. Round and round and round.

It feels weird saying this, but for once I almost just want to do nothing.

Not out of sheer laziness. You can be busy as anything and still be the most lazy person in the world (totally me haha). Sounds like a paradox, but it's true. There's a massive, massive difference between relaxing and being lazy, in that the first is needed while the second is just you being useless with your time.


So far I've finished semester. Said goodbye to some friends, and not to others. Started work. Drove golf carts. Did to much biking. Moved house. Got some flatmates. Set up a completely new plant nursery in just over a week. Finished Lifegroup and CY. Recorded half a song for someone else. Got my results back (around about an A- average). Went to Hastings and back again. Saw (most) of the family. Volunteered at an event. Grew (well, growing) a beard. Ran 5+ km back home from work yesterday.

It's been a month and a half of bursting at the seams. Every day, all you have to do is just keep going. It's all you really can do.

I guess it just makes you appreciate the quieter moments just that much more. Gotta have those highs and lows, otherwise both life and music would get boring pretty quickly!

For two minutes, I almost caught myself with nothing to do. But then I decided to write a blog...

Returning, blogging, and commitment

A couple of months later after I was "in hibernation" and now I'm finally crawling back out of my hole and back onto a pastime I have (sadly) neglected for some time - blogging!

If you're one of those few people who have followed this blog for some time, you're probably getting sick of this by now. I disappear for a few months, and then get right back into it, with an appropriately titled post (previous examples A Bit of an Update... and Too Long, My Dear Friends). Then I get busy with other things, forget to make updates (aka forget about blogging all together) and then reappear a couple of months/weeks/days later with the latest set of excuses. Unfortunately I'm all to aware of my bad habit. Even after 5+ years (I started this blog when so young!!!!!) I just don't have this whole blogging thing down pat.

I think my main problem here is commitment.

Despite my best intentions, I always really, really struggle with this. Whether its blogging or getting to know people better or anything really, I tell myself or others I'm committed to it while my actions show a different story. I just don't have the patience, or the time, or the energy, or the will, or the vision, or the.....
The list goes on and on, but really its just full of excuses. Pithy, pathetic excuses I make work in whatever way I can to try and cover up my shortcomings. The reality is this: I suck at finishing what I started. Or even just starting something I've thought about starting. So many of my ideas don't even take off, they crash in the hanger and its all because I can't commit to making them work.

Although this sounds kinda like an elaborate excuse, I think this is in part due to my wandering nature. I've realized now that I'm really into new things and exploring different facets of life, and this is why I find it hard to stay true to one thing (best expression of this - my music taste!). As Jon Foreman, one of my favorite artists ever, writes "I am restless" - and this isn't a bad thing. There is so much out there that people miss by not looking hard enough.

But at the same time though, there is so much merit in sticking with one thing. It proves your worth and reliability but even more importantly than this, it shows your dedication to a cause. It shows your dedication to a vision, to a dream, to a person. And this is something I miss in my life because of my problems with commitment. I miss the benefits you get from being actively part of something for a long, long time.

And now we're back to blogging. I used to wonder why I never got comments on my posts. Am I not insightful enough? Is my writing terrible? Does anyone still read blogs any more? ...and all the other questions which come with such self-doubt. I guess the main problem though is people don't really want to follow something which is so often all over the place.

Fair enough. I'm one of these people. Which is kinda why my faiths in something as unmoving as God. Because when everything else in life shifts around so much, its incredible to have something that doesn't. Jesus was aware of this and as a result he was unmoving and unshaking in his convictions while still caring for others. That in itself is an incredible testament to his worth.

He even had a few words to say about commitment:

"If you wanted to build a building, you would first sit down and decide how much it would cost. You must see if you have enough money to finish the job. If you don't do that, you might begin the work, but you would not be able to finish. And if you could not finish it, then all the people watching would laugh at you. They would say, 'This man began to build, but he was not able to finish.... in the same way, those of you who do not give up everything cannot be my disciples." (Luke 14: 28-30) 

And another one of my favorites:

"All you need to say is simply "Yes" or "No"; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." (Matthew 5:37)

In other words, don't say you're going to do something if you're really not. Don't deceive people with your words, if you say "Yes" then make sure you do it.

I try and follow this, but I fall short so often.

So that's why this time I'm not promising to be making a comeback, to do this blog right and fill the internet with a bit of hope and good writing. Because honestly, I don't know if I can do that. Rather, I know that in a short amount of time my commitment will give out and it'll be some time before I'm back. Its almost inevitable.

BUT....
I will be back (at least once). Because this is something I want to do, even though I do it badly. Writing like this is what keeps me (and hopefully you) coming back. Cos this blogs not dead yet.


You better be ready for some infrequent posting. That's all I can say.


Jordan

This is just therapy

All I want to do is write.

And pray. And write some more.

Then sleep until I needed to wake up. I am so incredibly shattered right now, both mentally and physically. Yet I doubt even when I do make it to bed I'll be able to sleep. There's just too much going on and I can't even figure it out in my head yet alone type it up on the page.

It's times like this when I realize I have a different use for writing. Some would call it escapism, I prefer the term therapy. It's not that ignoring things will make a difference. It's just sometimes all I feel like doing is retreating from the world with a pen and paper, and maybe my guitar, and just writing the feelings out of my soul. Because it seems that's the only way to get them out. Notes, lines, ink stains, keys under my fingers. This is where I feel at home, this is where I find my voice. This is where words which my mouth can't form come out. Here is where songs I can't sing can be sung. Often the moments I am most honest are when I write. Because although paper can lie there's something so freeing about telling the truth when you don't have to.

I could be posting about anything at the moment. So much stuff has happened in the past week and a half which I'm still working around. I could talk about Uni. About finally finishing that song. I could talk about my band's upcoming gig. I could (and most probably will) talk about the loss my family had on Sunday. Or about how I don't often say it much but that they mean so much to me. I could talk about how I miss my lifegroup. I could talk theology and my struggle to find God's plan in the everyday. Or how even though I know he's holding me up I still want more, waiting for some magic bullet which will somehow fix everything.

Yet with all that stuff all I can find the strength to get through is how much I needed to write this. Write down that I'm broken but I'm not letting go. Write down this:
Falling is a movement, so is writing. Yet more so than both of these is life. Life is a movement. Whether it's upwards or downwards or all over the place is up to you. You can be moving alone, or like me, traveling with Someone. However you do it, you must be moving. Life is like music, it's all in the motions or the lack thereof. 

Life:
The
Falling
Movement. 

So lets keep moving.

Blessings,

Jordan

In hibernation

That's pretty much been my life for the past two weeks, as I've been fighting to control a crazy facial infection that hasn't made life particularly awesome. Besides going on a brief job hunt, getting through a few books (mostly about music!), running a lot (up to 3 times a week yeeeeeah), jamming some gat. (loving the Black Keys, Led Zepplin, Bullet For My Valentine and John Mayer at the moment) and struggling to find inspiration while recording, I haven't been up to a lot really. Went ice skating on the weekend before a quick band practice where we finally managed to sort out a few things, which was heaps of fun. Although I almost lost a finger - falling over onto your hands in front of someone iceskating is not really ideal guys! Luckily they managed to stop, otherwise I could have had some problems fretting a few chords haha. 

So finally over mostly being stuck inside for days on end, I decided (after a fair bit of persuasion from some people!) that it was time to sort it out and head to the doctors. It was weird signing up for all that stuff, seeing as I've managed to avoid anything vaguely medical for so long. But oh well. Glad I got it sorted, cos it's been taking it out of me quite a bit. Been on a bit of a health crusade lately, eating heaps of nutritious food (lentils are actually the most filling food ever), running, and trying to get a bit more sleep than usual (with varied results - it's hard to change my late night habits haha). Me getting healthy - who would have thought?! 

On the plus side, I got my exam results back! Turns out the study was well worth it, and they were all pretty decent. B's for all three of my papers, and (somehow!) an A- for MIS, which was this awful, awful subject that I seriously thought I was going to fail for a bit. Once again, who would've thought? Crazy how things like that turn out. 

Despite being a poor student, I figured this was worthy of celebration so went out with my friend Jono today to go grab some tea. Yeah, indulging in my current obsession haha - but its so healthy and delicious arggghhhh I love it. I didn't even know Palmy even had a tea shop, but like always, the city's full of surprises. So I hooked myself up with a mango brew and chilli and chocolate tea. Yeah, you did read that right! It's a pretty buzzy flavour I must admit, but thought it was a good idea to grab some. You've got to try new things every once in a while! 

So after scoring some sweet tea (which I then had to drink Asian-styles, ie leaves straight in the cup, because we had no kettle) we said goodbye to my flatmate (the fourth of the year) who was sadly leaving us for greener pastures. Despite being with now one less flatmate, and even more importantly, fridge-less, I remain optimistic about the future. Good things are coming my way this term! And I know there's going to be more hard times in store but like I tell my friends, I know God's got my back 100%. This has been a pretty messed up year so far, but every step of the way he's been right behind me and provided for me in so many incredible ways. Yeah there's still some nights where I doubt my future, and my dreams. But I'm learning more and more every day to trust fully in God's ability to use me for his purpose wherever I am. And I do think that's the most important thing of all.

So I hibernate, but I'm not finished yet. Some could say I'm only just getting started....

Blessings,

Jordan

Stories and songs; or in my case, both.

After living under a rock for half the year and doing practically nothing musically (studying something completely different hasn't helped!), I feel I'm finally jumping back on the musical bandwagon. I've got plans in the pipeline to make my own Soundcloud after urging from friends and finally stick some music out there. Goodness knows I've got enough of it sitting around on my computer! I think it might be time for the world to hear...
Plus there's two brand-spanking new tracks I've got going at the moment. One's my third song of the year, a yearning number simply entitled Wanting (check out the lyrics here). The other is an instrumental piece that is still a work in progress, called It Only Rains In Winter. Bit of a melodramatic title, but hey. I'm a musician and we love our melodrama!

Oh, and I've come to the conclusion that 2013 has been an interesting year for my songwriting.

In some ways it's like a whole new direction where I write songs which come in surges and really bite at the core of my beliefs. These songs are raw, both emotionally and musically. And it seems I've finally got to a point where I can fully embrace my love of acoustic and ambient music and kinda incorporate them in to my own sound. As for lyrically, the words seem to be dancing around the edges, touching on deep nerves and weaving together stories that just move my soul. Why? Because they're mine. And to a certain extent, they're all true. I think every songwriter gets like that. Even if you are just going straight for the pop hits about love and dancing and all those cliched subject, you still are seeing it from your perspective. It's still got YOU in there.
I reckon the best songs are the most honest. But at the same time, this year I've strove to get away from that. Because I always write about myself, it gets a little bit daunting. Almost as if the songs are getting to personal. And I find it hard to show them to people because they're like pieces of me, and I have this fear that if people reject them they're rejecting me. I guess its a constant battle of wearing your heart on your sleeve but trying to take it off. I want to write songs which move people. That inspire them, that make them hope, that bring them joy. That point them to something (and Someone!) a lot bigger than them. If through my words and my playing I can do that, then in my eyes that will be the peak of any musical endeavour.
I wrote this a while ago, rebelling against the formal structures of my essays and assignments and university work just to get back to a place where I belong. This, ultimately, is why I do what I do:

"I write to create. Create, not just echo something, whether it be a mood, a feeling, a series of events or a place. Through my writings I wish to communicate a small part of my story, a small part of my song and do so in a way that will take the reader, the listener elsewhere and make them think about their story and how it relates to mine. That they will join me in a world far from here, one a little bit warmer, perhaps more unlikely and mysterious. One that is both less real and in an indescribable way more real than the world we come from. That for a moment this work of writing will tie both author and reader to a similar storyline, both utterly enthralled in the world they are creating or consuming. That is why I write."

So that's where I am at the moment. Hopefully going to start writing some music soon for my band Preeti and the Gentlemen (check us out at https://www.facebook.com/PreetiAndTheGentlemen?ref=ts&fref=ts if you haven't already!), and start getting out there and playing gigs. But until then I'll keep doing my thing, keep writing, keep practicing and playing. Music is a journey, and in the end, you never know where it will take you.
I'm just so immensely grateful I'm on the journey. And I hope you'll join me....

Blessings,

Jordan

Keep my heart from breaking up...

1.30 am is a time when most people are asleep. Yet inspiration lives in the moment, and two days ago I knew I couldn't let it pass me by. Luckily the flat was pretty much deserted, but I knew my flatmate would be trying to sleep. Grabbing my acoustic and softly humming the tune to myself I tiptoed to the kitchen and began to play quietly. Within moments, I had the hook, chorus and an idea of the intro. The verses and outro would come later, scrawled out on a sheet of lined A4 to the light of my single lamp.

That night, I didn't sleep much, but I got one of my favourite songs ever. And I'm grateful I stayed awake, even if I still feel the effects days later. Worth it.

WANTING

You say I'm like the moon,
Maybe space was all I needed.
And I stay awake for hours,
Think of hearts and how they're bleeding

Over distance, long term blisters
These points of difference
That make you change your mind.
Drowned devotion, the distant ocean
A lack of motion
That make it hard to find

That all I ever wanted
Was sitting here right next to me
I was watching it leave like oceans
Drifting out to sea
And it won't take much of what little's left
For me to be all I wanted to be

I say you're like the sun
And maybe light was all I needed
I stay outside for hours
Think of you and how your breathing

Gets to me, in ways unseen
Kill me quietly
Or watch me change my mind.
While drowned devotion, the distant ocean
A lack of motion
All make it hard to find.

All I wanted, all I needed was love
That's enough, oh that's enough
To keep me satisfied, to rest my troubled eyes
Keep my heart from breaking up
Oh keep me up, I'm sinking keep me up
Love keep me up

(c) Copyright Jordan Gowan 2013
 All rights reserved to The Falling Movement music.


Hopefully you get to hear it soon, in one form or the other. This one's too good to not share I reckon. Leave a comment and let me know what you think, I'd be so stoked to hear from you!

Semester One: Finished. BAM!

Ok, so it's been no-post land at The Falling Movement lately (kind of like no-mans land but instead of the absence of people there's absence of quality blogging haha). Its been a crazy last couple of weeks here in the big city. I'd been trying to hammer out a whole pile of study, something I fail at doing at the best of times, while battling the effects of a minor cold brought on by the near-freezing temperatures of our flat.

The start of exam week was the worst. I spent a good portion of Sunday night last week almost having a mini breakdown about the upcoming week and all these things in life which had been just getting to me. I ended up going for a massive skate around Palmy which was good to let off steam but not entirely effective. Then I just sat on the street outside the flat for ages on my board just talking to God. Really talking. And it was pretty raw, but it was good to get it off my chest. I could've sat there out beside the trees with the glow of dim streetlights and nothing but the cold air to keep me awake for ages pretending I had time to sort things out. But then it started to rain, and I went inside.

Yet somehow I made it. I sure had to crank out a fair bit of work (especially for my back to back exams on Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning!) and put everything else out of my mind, or at least to the side. But I got there in the end. And when I walked out of my final exam on Friday, which miraculously went better than I expected, I was feeling on top of the world.

<Cue Music>

It suddenly seemed all worth it.
Those four months of learning about five forces models, ideology, and value chains (don't ask). Of adjusting to a new environment and a place where once again I knew absolutely no one. Long days spent trying to figure out how to write again to much higher standards.

And four months spent constantly backtracking my decision.
If you hadn't got the memo yet, I've been having a hard time switching from studying music to studying journalism. Firstly there was the constant annoyance of having to explain to like a GAZILLION people that yes I was studying last year and no I didn't pull out and yes changing from music to journalism is a little bit different. Secondly was when my friend pulled out on Day 1 for much of the reasons I was secretly thinking about: this is different/hard/weird/not as cool as last year. Then on top of that was my incredible ability to doubt myself. I wondered if I'd even made the right decision. I quite like writing (as you can probably tell from my well-worded paragraphs) but I just wasn't sure if this was the right direction, where I wanted to be heading.

Basically studying journalism is nowhere near as FUN as music.

However last Friday after my final exam, I had this incredible feeling of achievement. That I'd tripped and stumbled my way through a semester of massive ups and downs, upheavals and disappointments, but somehow got there in the end. I was actually glad that I'd stuck to my guns and kept at it, despite the fact that reality never made it anywhere near my expectations. Its been a rough semester both personally and with study, but thanks to the incredible grace of God I made it. And for once I can sit here writing this with complete honesty and say I'm that I'm proud of myself.

Semester 1: Consider yourself beaten.

Halfway where?

It's late at night (well relatively) as I'm writing this and I'm thinking about the few precious seconds I have right now to be able to type this.

They're pretty good seconds, the last 1800 of the 26th of May 2013. It's been a pretty good day overall, filled with failed jams, moments of boredom, and plenty of laughter. Could say it's been a typical day in the life then. Well kind of.
As I sit here typing about it I'm still buzzing about how good life is. But also at the same time I'm thinking what's next? It's something I seem to do a lot. I either think about the past, or wonder about the future. I find it hard to live in the moment, to be there and not thinking about time and how it slips away so, so fast.

Right now:

• I'm sniffing my tea. Green, with mandarin and lemongrass. Mmmmm. Tea's actually so good!
• Using the dictionary function on my computer to spellcheck "mandarin". WHY IS SPELLING SO DIFFICULT?!!!
• Thinking about how long it's been since I last blogged, and also about how there's a bullet point function on blogger which I'm currently using which I'd never noticed before but is actually pretty cool. 
• Oh look I have 5 facebook notifications. Gotta love tabs. :D
• I'm listening to Ben Howard. This guy is actually my new favorite musician! There's going to be a new CD in my collection soon. Just saying. 

While all that's going on in the background, I have to say I'm still so excited about what happened today! My friend Sarah got baptised at church tonight and it was like the coolest thing ever. Not only was it awesome to see that she's come that far in her faith, it was awesome to think that they're probably throwing the biggest party in heaven, something way better than our celebrations down here. And that's pretty legit.

So while I'm stoking over that because it is such good news, I know that next weeks looming. Only a few minutes away in fact. Weekends end, and (unfortunately) people can't get baptised every day. With exams in the distance, it looks set to be another rollercoaster of a week. One where things most probably won't always go as planned. And I'll find once again that living life to the full on a Monday is a lot harder than it seems on Sunday evening. Times going by so fast, I can't believe the fact that it's nearly June and the year is almost halfway over. Despite things have changing in my life and yet not a lot of the last five months has been spent moving in any direction, despite whatever the future has for me, right now I think of my friend and her decision and realise this one thing.

"Life: it's only a moment. 
 BUT that moment can be defining."

Blessings,

Jordan

A bit of an update, and some AWESOME news!

Wow, it has been some time since I blogged last! Been crazy busy at university as all my assignments/ tests start snowballing into one rather hectic schedule. Although with the rate I procrastinate I probably could have finished them all and written 3 blog posts! But oh well, we all know that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Anyway, seeing as it's been a while since I posted, I thought I'd give you a rundown on whats been going on. I'm going to have to break this into sections haha.

Study

What is this study you speak of? Apart from the fact that I'm still not very motivated about it, I'm quite enjoying university at the moment. I seem to be doing ok too - got my first lot of results back the other day. C+, B+ and an A-. How very alphabetical.

Probably the best thing about uni this year, other than getting to watch Bollywood films in Media studies (favourite paper!) and meeting some cool new people was my last academic writing assignment. We had to pick a journal article for it to write about, which in itself isn't terribly interesting. However my article was actually awesome cos it properly introduced me to the Kinks, who are now one of my favourite bands. It really is a shame these guys never aspired to the heights of the Beatles or the Rolling Stones because if you ask me the Kinks give them a run for their money, and at times even better them! Don't believe me? Go listen to "Misfits" and then try telling me that isn't one of the most well-crafted songs you've ever heard.

Life

I've become addicted to walnuts and milo and skating. Though Not all at the same time. 

Oh and I (finally) bought a new guitar! As seen above. It is one meeeeeeean axe, plays somewhat similar to my brothers Epiphone Les Paul Special but I got it for a fraction of the price. Well, half. Either way it was a sweet deal because this is such a nice guitar. Real grunty, and roars incredibly when you shove it through some overdrive. Just needs a set of new strings and I'm set to crank the metal! (Well, try). No but seriously though, I'm so excited about this. It's the first electric I've bought in years and has SO many differences to my other guitar. Looking forward to jamming this beast out a whole lot more in the near future!

 Faith

While this one's probably the hardest to define using concrete events, it's been going well. I guess? I still feel I could be so much closer to God than I am at the moment. Still, church & life group have been a big part of my life this year and it's all such an awesome space to be in. I feel really privileged and blessed to be part of it all.
Lately I've taken to reading the word when I wake up. Which is actually so good, because I can concentrate heaps better. At night I find I get distracted real easy.... It's just a good way to start the day I find. Also I've been finding so many verses which speak volumes to me about pretty much everything, so I've been underlining those! Got plenty of "Scribbles" to chose from when I write one next.

Music

As usual, I've been spending a LOT of time jamming the new tunes. Radiohead are still high on the playlist at the moment - I'm loving all the stuff from In Rainbows! Yeah I know I'm like 6 years behind the times.... but oh well.
I've weirdly been jamming a whole lot of music which isn't really my norm - funk, hiphop, metal. It's good though.
I've been getting SUPER excited about the new The National album "Trouble Will Find Me". I got addicted to these guys sound near the end of last year, when heavy into my ambient music phase (which is probably still going haha). Their song "Fake Empire" would probably rank somewhere in my Top 10 songs ever written if I ever was to compose such a list. Anyway, the new album is sounding absolutely STUNNING from the songs I've heard of it which have been pre- released on Youtube. "I Need My Girl" and "Rylan" are such good songs both lyrically and musically, and then "Don't Swallow the Cap" (which I'm listening to right now coincidentally), while taking a few more listens is actually a gem of a song. Especially the last twenty seconds. That guitar tone/effect is absolutely incredible. Can't wait till the 20th of May when they finally release it!

On a different topic, seeing as it's music month here in little New Zealand, where the whole country finally decides to pay attention to it's wealth of talented artists (or at least the mainstream ones....), I thought I'd join in the buzz. The above album cover, while being pretty hideous artistically, is for a sweet Kiwi band called Carb On Carb who are actually very good. Don't judge the cd by it's cover! Seriously though, I had the pleasure of seeing this epic 2-piece at a gig a few weeks ago and they were one of the highlights of a night which included some crazy dancing, talking to some guy who used to drive rickshaws for a living, my flatmate's band rocking the stage, and this other band who managed to pull off a decent cover of a Band of Horses song. So for these guys to make an impression during all that was pretty impressive. I was looking up some of their tunes online and stumbled across this lovely EP of theirs which can be downloaded from http://carboncarb.bandcamp.com/. It's really good, especially the last track! If you're into melodic punk, or female-fronted rock bands that don't sound like Paramore (unfortunately all to rare in todays world), go check them out!

Personally I've been jamming music a lot lately. Found out I lived next door to a drummer the other day, and we've been having a few informal practices together which is cool cos he's pretty much at the same skill level as me. So cool just to jam random tunes again!
Also I got invited to join a band at Crossroads which is going to be playing for their youth service next week! Pretty exciting stuff, but also slightly nerve-wracking because I haven't played in a band for so long and I'm actually pretty rusty.... 

And now for the exciting news...

 

Yeah. This happened.

FINALLY, after a good year and a half of living in P-town, I joined/started a band!
Considering how long I spent on the lookout wondering about it, the whole thing happened surprisingly fast. The majority of us all met each other last year during the Ucol music course, and the two months we spent playing together was truly awesome, as we gelled so much musically as well as personally. Seeing as we were all still in Palmy, we decided it'd be a good idea to get together and jam out, and Caleb invited one of his mates to come jam some bass with us. And the rest is history (or hopefully will be!).
Seriously probably the most exciting things to happen EVER! We're all super serious about our music, and the range of styles we can play is eclectic in every sense of the word. Looking forward to the future with these guys!
Go check us out at http://www.facebook.com/PreetiAndTheGentlemen?ref=ts&fref=ts and give us a like or two! Hopefully we'll have some stuff up soon!


Well, that was probably the most exciting post I've done all year! But it's getting late and I'm mega tired after a long day of uni and playing music, so I better hit the hay.

Catch you on the flipside guys! And go give my bandpage a like - you know you want to! 

Scribbles: Blessed

So I was going to do this in chronological order, working my way from Genesis to Revelation, however on today's devotion I take a slight detour. This one's what I'm feeling called to write NOW, not for any continuation of a blog series, but just because this is to awesome not to share....

Psalm 50:10, Matthew 6:25-33 on BLESSED

I added a new scribble to my bible today. As of about three minutes ago. However this wasn't just some random Googled bible verse to throw in for the sake of it (although admittedly I had to google it just to find out where in the bible it was!). No, this verse has been on my heart for a while now:

"For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills." - Psalm 50:10

Lately, every time I've started considering the problems piling up like mountains in front of me, this verse just springs into my head. I cannot for the life of me explain why, given the fact that I hadn't even underlined it till today means it can't have had that much impact the first time I read it. But in the last couple of months, these few words have given me SO much hope and peace.

See, I've had this financial problem.

Without going into details, because that will just take up to much time, I'll just say that I haven't had ANY money for the last month and a half. I've been living of my savings, scraping away at the reserves of what I'd earned on my summer job. Which doesn't sound to bad, but when you have to pay for rent, power and all the other various costs of flatting as well it means it can be really hard to get by. And while I'm good at saving, there comes a point when you can't because you simply don't have anything to save!

Every day for weeks and weeks, I would check my email to see if I had a message about my student allowance. I can't even remember the amount of times I went in to ask if it had been processed yet.
Needless to say, living off a shoestring was starting to get to me.

So I did the logical, Christian thing, and prayed about it. Obviously, because we all know it's the answer to all our problems. Just a quick "Please-and-thankyou God" sent up to heaven, and what do you know? The very next day my student allowance was approved!What do you know?

Except it didn't quite work out like that. Days would go by, weeks, and nothing would happen. Um excuse me God, what's the deal here? is all that I was thinking. What happened to "ask and ye shall receive"? To my shame, I even tried praying more "genuinely" about it, thinking maybe God would hear me if I "meant" it. Good idea, completely wrong reasons.

The fear was the worst bit. Fear that it would never come, and that I'd be flat broke, and have to resort to moving out of Palmy, taking out another loan or asking my parents for money: three things I really didn't want to do. I'll confess at times I got a little bit angry about it. Why does this have to happen to me God? And while I was wrestling with all this doubt and the burden of it all, two verses kept repeating themselves around my brain. The first was Psalm 50:10, the second is one of those passages I've held to for a long time, from Matthew 6. It's a little long, so I've only got the first and last verses highlighted in my bible.

 ^"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." - Matthew 6:25-33 

It's incredible to look back on this and see that in both these verses, I got my answer. Yet I pressed on, relentless in my stupidity. I wanted more, an answer that was consistent, relief from it all and
I wanted it NOW.

About four days ago, it all came to a head. I checked my bank account, and realized I had enough money to pay two more weeks of rent and then I was flat broke. So I called it. Fully genuinely this time, not pretending, I cried out to God for the first and the last time. I was tired of waiting, tired of asking yet not receiving, but most of all tired of not seeing God in all this. I can't remember the exact words but it was something along these lines. "Lord, I'm sick of all this. Sick of worrying about something I'm not ever going to be able to control. Maybe it's not your plan for me then, to be here right now. If not, then let this happen. Let me be flat broke, let my life go somewhere else. I don't even care anymore, I just want it to be your will, not mine." As soon as I had finished pouring my heart out, God spoke and simply reminded me that I already had been given the answer. BAM! and those two verses where in my head again. "Do not worry about your life...." , for "[I own]...the cattle on a thousand hills.". I was stunned. All this time, the still, small voice had been speaking to me while I had been waiting for a whirlwind. I went to bed that night so full of peace and content about it all, and had the best sleep since the start of it all.

Now this is the cool part: the very next day my allowance was approved.

...

Before you start getting ideas, I'll make this clear. This isn't just a nice little story about how God answers prayer (even though that is a part of it). Rather I want to use these two verses and my personal story to share what I learned from it.
Because from that night I finally realized WHY I had been waiting so long. God was using this experience to teach me a few things, and I almost missed them.

First of all, thanks to his incredible grace he didn't give me what I wanted, at least not immediately. I'm so thankful for this, because if he hadn't extended the time period it took for the allowance to come through, I would have missed so many of the things which he was trying to teach me! It just took me so long to get it! This in itself is such an important lesson. God's timing is spot-on. Sometimes things take a lot longer than expected because he knows if you get them immediately, or when YOU want them, it won't teach you anything.

Secondly the Lord really was trying to teach me something big about head and heart attitudes. As soon as I got it, I was so regretful of what my previous approaches to prayer had been. Totally selfish, hypocritical and pathetic whingings - and that's so not what prayers supposed to be! Yet so often I approach it like that, like a shopping list of things God has to give me. But it's not like this, and if I had taken the time to properly search Psalm 50 and read the whole lot, I would've got this. Because it's all about giving and getting. God doesn't need to give us anything. He doesn't need us to offer to make sacrifices of our time or money to him like bargaining chips so we get what we want. It doesn't work like that. He's more concerned about where our hearts are at, while we're still all about the giving and the getting.

Finally, I see the bigger picture, and that the last lesson God was teaching me in this time is potentially the most important. We are so, so, SO blessed! On the night when I cried out to God about MY problems, and MY concerns, as soon as I got these two verses in my head I was just overwhelmed at all the blessings I did have. Immediately I almost felt ashamed for asking for more. I live in a first world country. I have a cellphone, three guitars and a laptop. In my entire life I have never known true need. And yet I had the audacity to ask for something, knowing full well that even if it did not come I would still be provided for in some way! God blesses us in so many ways which we ungratefully just accept as "life" or "stuff" with the knowledge that we have so much more than so many. It just blows my mind to know that on top of that, he blesses us above and beyond that! My allowance got approved, and that didn't need to happen. Yet he gave it to me, because he is a good God, and he loves giving gifts to his children. BUT there's a pretty big call to all this. We're not blessed just for the sake of it, even though all we have we do not deserve. Matthew 6:33 puts it really clearly: "Your heavenly Father knows you need all these things. But seek FIRST the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Man, that is both such an incredible promise to cling to, and such a difficult challenge to live up to. Yet I believe we are called to do both. So take no thought for what you will eat, or wear, or get but rather for what you will DO.

Sunday Devotional: Scribbles Part 1

Lately I've been thinking about the Bible.


I find it pretty sad how a lot of Christians, particularly in the first world, don't take time to read it. Maybe it's because they disagree with parts of it. Or parts of it are boring. Or they just simply "don't have the time."

I can relate to all of those excuses. There was a time when I stopped reading my bible for those reasons. It was the beginning of 2012, and I thought I knew all there was to know about my faith. Or at least enough to get by. I'd read the bible my whole life, and had just completed reading it cover to cover. Admittedly it was only a chapter a day, and it did take me 2-3 years. But I figured by that achievement alone I was doing a lot better than most people.
So I stopped.

For about three or four months I didn't really read my bible that much. Yeah sure there was the occasional time I picked it up, and I'd read the scripture references at church. That was good enough wasn't it?

If by now you're expecting some massive tale of how I went off the rails, ended up in jail and then decided to pick up the Holy Book again, you're going to be a bit disappointed by the next part of the story. After those three or four average months where pretty much nothing happened, I just decided to take reading the bible again. I'm not really quite sure why. Maybe it was because I was going to a Life Group at this time and thought it was a good idea. Or something like that.

Interestingly enough, I found out really quickly that I had missed a lot. And with bible-reading I had kind of been missing the point. Previously I did it because I thought as a Christian it was something you were "supposed" to do. That it made you look super-holy or something like that. Now that I was actually reading it because I wanted to, I found I was taking it in from a completely different angle.

I began finding all these verses which related to me. Which sought out the dark corners of my heart and shed some light on them. These weren't just words on paper, they actually meant something. I began to see why the Bible was called the living word. When you read it like this, it really does come alive and speak to you.

I found after a while that I was sort of addicted. Night after night, I'd take my bible out and then have to go scrambling in the dark for a pen to underline a particular verse. I'm sure I've never scribbled in another book more than I have my bible...


About a month ago I got this strange idea.
It was to flip through my bible, find an underlined verse, and then write a blog post about it.

My first thought was "That's a great idea!". Then my second was "Hang on, that's a bit weird..."
So I left it for a bit. Got busy with uni and life. But the idea kept sticking in my brain. You should really write about that! It'd be cool! At the same time I had my doubts. Even though the subtitle for my blog is "Life. Faith. Music. Writing" I've figured out I don't actually talk about my faith all that much. What a misleading title.

I have no idea how this is going to work, or even if it'll be a regular thing. Knowing my work ethic it's highly unlikely. But I do truly think it's worth doing.

So with that in mind, I invite you to join me. Open your bible if you have one, and if you don't you should really seriously think about getting one. Or you can try out this hand website I found: https://www.bible.com/ . See, even if you don't believe in Jesus, I honestly still think there's stuff in there which relates to you wherever you are in your spiritual journey.
And you never know, you might just find salvation hidden in it's pages.

Enjoy the journey!

Devotional - Exodus 4:11-12 on Confidence.

"And the Lord said to him, Who has made man's mouth? or who makes the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing or the blind? have not I the Lord?
Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth, and teach you what to say."
 - Exodus 4: 11-12

This is the first verse underlined in my bible. In context it's about a man called Moses who had to undertake a super hard task. He was told to go and set an entire nation free from slavery. Sounds like Mission Impossible right? That's what Moses seemed to think and he told God so plainly. To which he got this reply.

When I read over this verse, it really speaks to me, because I feel like Moses so many times. Like nothing I say is good enough or is going to matter to anyone. Self-confidence can be hard to muster at times, especially after a bad day, or just when stuffs getting you down. Sometimes it just seems best not to say anything at all, right?

This verse gives me confidence that it doesn't always have to be like that. Who has made man's mouth? It wasn't me, so why should I feel like I have to control it, or be so afraid of speaking up? When there's something that needs to be said, it is best to just say it and trust God will give you the words. There's been so many times when this has happened to me and I'm actually almost shocked with what has came out of my mouth. Did I really just say that? I think God uses us to speak his words when we open our hearts to him, and let him teach us what to say. Exodus 4:11-12 reminds me of those times, and to not be so self-conscious about everything, but rather to put my trust in the God who created it all and knows words infinitely better than I ever will.


I guess this post is one of these times....

Top Ten Bass Riffs

While I tend to stick to six strings, treating basses as a inferior cousin to the awesomeness of electric guitars, on occasion I've been known to divulge in a little bit of "slappin' the bass" (not dropping it, I'm no Skrillex!) from time to time. Actually last year was my first time playing bass, and given that I had to play it in both a crowded bar and on the Regent Stage, I was a little bit nervous about doing so! But I found I actually really enjoyed it, even though I was playing one of the simplest bass lines out. Thanks R.E.M! I also gained a bit more appreciation for this four-stringed (or in the case of one of the guys in my music course, six stringed) instrument. So while I do make the occasional bass player joke (I'm a guitarist, I can't really help it!), I've learned that playing bass is actually cool, and a little more tricky than I had thought. It is with this in mind that I present to you the top ten baddest bass lines of all time. Or at least in my opinion....

10. "Cover Up" -  Imagine Dragons

Imagine Dragons wouldn't really be known as complete musical geniuses, as they tend to stick to basic 4/4 playing and major keys. However they have a tendency to write some of the most darn-catchy and original pop music out there, which helped catapult them from being underground musicians to being near-famous almost overnight. After hearing a phenomenal live version of "It's Time" on Youtube, I was hooked, and they quickly became one of my favourite bands. This song is one of their lesser-known songs, which is unfortunate because it's actually really good! After a extended intro, the song finally kicks in driven by a bass line that is so groovy it almost belies it's simplicity. Yes I've counted and I'm pretty sure it's only like three notes, but still. Sometimes the simplest things are the best! And the rest of the song has some pretty killer bass playing in too, especially that bridge. Good job Ben McKee, but for the simplicity you're at the bottom of this list...
7/10

9. "September" - Earth, Wind & Fire

Funk bass-playing is IMPRESSIVE and this song would have to be one of my favorites in the genre. While the horns, keys and vocals in "September" are impressive enough, the entire song seems to build off that sick bass line. It just grooves away beneath it all, just adding that extra funky touch which Earth, Wind & Fire need. This was one of my favorite songs to play last year, cos when we got it right it just grooved so much! Also it's written in one of the most interesting keys I've ever played in (basically filled with 7ths and 9th chords). This is one of those few songs where I would rather play bass than guitar cos it's SO MUCH cooler!
 8/10

8. "Time Is Running Out"/ "Madness" - Muse

Muse's bass player Chris Wolstenholme is pretty impressive - but then I suppose you'd have to be if you're in a band with Matt Bellamy constantly outplaying everyone with his mad guitar and vocal skills. The bass intro in "Time Is Running Out" grooves out solo before the drums and singing kicks in and really sets up the whole song. When I was learning this song a few years ago, I quickly realized I wouldn't get far if I didn't learn that bass riff. Yeah, that's right. I learnt a bassline on the guitar! Who says basses don't rock now???!!
The sole reason Madness is on this list is because that MIDI bass Wolstenholme plays on it is SO COOL. It just throbs away throughout the song, creating an almost dubstep-like effect which is strangely appealing. Go look up the music video/ live version of this song if you don't believe me!
8/10

7. "Ny Batteri" - Sigur Ros

Kings of Icelandic ambient/post rock music, Sigur Ros somehow managed to create one of the most beautiful songs ever with this track off their album Agaetis Byrjun. This song draws you right in with it's haunting vocals, mellow trumpet and some wicked guitar playing which the lead singer does with a violin bow (because picks are to mainstream). It's one of those songs which when you're listening to it you can't really do anything else but just listen because it's that epic. However while all the instrumentation in this song is impressive, it is driven by one of the most awesome ambient bass lines I've ever heard. From the moment it kicks in after a haunting trumpet introduction, you just get the maddest shivers down your spine and you know that the rest of the song is going to be the best eight minutes you've ever spent listening to music.
9/10

6. "Black Dog" - Led Zeppelin

I knew that if I don't put at least one John Paul-Jones riff on here then I'm bound to get slaughtered by a host of bloggers posting angry comments like "WHERE IS JOHN PAUL-JONES ON THIS LIST??!!!" or "Nice post bro but you forgot John Paul Jones". But in saying that, he is considered one of rocks most talented bass players for a reason. This song is chosen out of all of Zep's greatest bass lines because Mr Paul-Jones is the man responsible for writing the riff. And that riff is KILLER. It's also a little more technical than Sigur Ros, which puts it further up the list, despite the lower overall rating.
8.5/10

5. "This Is Your Life" - Switchfoot

One of Switchfoot's biggest hits, and one of the most recognizable riffs in Christian rock. Is it played on a guitar? Nope, surprisingly the memorable intro/verse riff is played on a bass which actually makes it so much cooler. When they played this one at Parachute earlier this year, Tim Foreman stood up the front and kicked the whole song off with his grooving catchy bassline. He is the man for creating something so legendary and then having the guts to play it on a bass! Without the bassline, this song would be a lot less awesome.
9/10

4. "Gangam Style" - PSY 

I get the feeling I'm going to get some hate for putting this one on the list. After the video featuring some groovy dancing went viral on the internet (1 billion views and counting is a little over the top guys) and it was thrashed to death in every single club in the country, everyone must be sick of this song by now.  But in saying that, it is actually a pretty darn good pop song. And for a pop song, it has some surprisingly tricky bass lines which set up the groove for the song and make it so darn catchy and dance-able. Whoever played bass for this track really got funky with it. Don't believe me? Check out this video of a bass cover of the mega-hit K-pop song and see if your mind doesn't get changed....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6EmxuAOD1s
9/10

3.  "Vicarious" - Tool

I flipping LOVE this song! It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to learn on guitar as all the riffs are in 5/4 or 6/8 timing and it switches all the time which makes things confusing. Even now, there's still parts which I can't quite master (the riffing at the end of the song is so fast it's practically impossible!). Yet every time we played this song last year, I was equally impressed by the bass parts as much as the guitar lines. The way the bass clashes with the guitar in the opening, playing something completely different instead of just the root notes is just pure genius. Tool's Justin Chancellor playing is on fire in this one.
9.5/10

2. "Instrumedley/ The Dance of Instruments" - Dream Theater

When you're in a band with John Petrucci and Mike Portnoy, respectively amongst the fastest and best guitarists and drummers in the world, you've got to be be a whole lot better than good. Yet somehow all the members of progressive rock band Dream Theater are so talented its mind blowing. It is one of life's most unfair moments that a band of this musical pedigree is a lot less famous than pop stars who are SO musically inferior such as Lady Gaga or Bieber. The bass player for Dream Theater, John Myung, has been rated the greatest bass player of all time by Music Radar, which is no mean feat itself. This song shows how far Dream Theater's musical complexity goes, constantly switching between time signatures and different feels. And it has some killer, killer bass playing in where Myung pretty much puts every other bass player to shame. It's pretty long, like most Dream Theater songs, but definitely worth a listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM0Y1Ajqq7g
10/10

1. "My Generation" - The Who

Not going to lie, it feels a little bit strange featuring the work of a blues-based rock band from the British Invasion after the musical complexities of Tool and Dream Theater. But I knew from the start of the list that this was going to be my number 1. John Entwistle is considered to be one of the world's greatest bass players, and he showed this in his stellar work with The Who as well as his solo music. He was a pioneer of several influential bass techniques such as a unique fingering technique he called the "typewriter" approach to playing bass, and was voted "Bass Player of the Millenium" in guitar magazine. Still, this song tops the list on the strength of its pounding bass lines, and the sheer fact that it features an incredible bass solo. In the sixties, a bass solo??!!! Beat that, bass players.
10/10

Got a song you think should be on this list? Did I miss out one of the bass playing greats? Do you think you can play bass better than some of the people on this list? Or do you agree with me 100%? Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Stone Cold Sober

This song was inspired by The Kinks, The National, The Smiths, and the following verses:

"For how will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?
 Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"
- Mark 8:36-37

"For they that sleep sleep in the night, and they that are drunk are drunken in the night.
 But let us, who are of the day, be sober."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:5-8

STONE COLD SOBER

My hands are stained with ink
From all the words I've written down for her
To hear, it isn't fair
The world don't care for men like me

I took my pen and the poison
Walked the streets of her strange town
To realize it's the same, just rearranged
The world is changing
But not for men like me

I never believed in love or luck
I guess that's why the hinges come unstuck

It's like I'm drunk while she's stone cold sober
She sees the world for what it is and I'm just seeing posters

My spirits don't lift as much as the bottle in my hands
I understand it makes the plans for men like me

I took my sadness to the bar, not her.
To find the whiskey tastes like escape,
The colors fade
The world's not waiting for men like me

It's like I'm drunk while she's stone cold sober
She sees the world for what it is and I'm just seeing posters
I've been left behind more times than I could care
I don't hold anything dear

Let's bring back rock and roll
I'll drink to that, though it won't make it so
Music, girls and alcohol won't make me whole
Can't save my soul

It's like I'm drunk while she's stone cold sober
She sees the world for what it is and I'm just seeing posters
I've been left behind more times than I could care
I don't hold anything dear but you

(c) copyright Jordan Gowan/ The Falling Movement Music 2013

To Long, My Dear Friends....

Man it's been AGES since I've blogged!

I guess it's been to long, as I've had all these pretty cool ideas for posts floating up in the interesting space of my brain. Which is dumb since I've been really, really busy lately. And for once that's not to much of an overstatement: I had 3 assignments due last week and a last-minute scramble to finish an online test yesterday which resulted in ANOTHER late night for me (though to be honest that was mostly from all the pranking being done in the flat haha). Oh how I've missed the joys of university.

So that kind of explains the reason why I've been absent from here in the last few weeks. Why there hasn't been anything circulating on your favourite blog (or what will hopefully soon become your favourite blog!).

Shameless self-promotion over, there's actually a few things going on here which I have in the making which are really cool! I'm getting pretty excited about the fact that it's almost the holidays cause it means I'll FINALLY have some extra time to write up some of this stuff. There's a couple of sweet articles-in-the-making I'm planning on music, a running series I'm planning on faith, a few interesting commentaries, and hopefully I'll even get round to posting some more music on my Youtube account.

So yeah this is basically a real quick post in my half hour of freedom to say that I'm still alive and kicking, and to hang around because there's going to be some sweet writing on here anytime soon!

Catch you on the flipside,

Jordan

Working Man

Originally the title of a rather annoying song by Newworldson (who happen to have one of the most annoying band names out), the title has been redeemed and superbly so by Imagine Dragons. This would have to be one of my favorite songs out at the moment! This band is just too darn good!

My life was pretty much complete when I discovered that to my surprise Imagine Dragons had released a lot more songs on their extended editions of Night Visions than the standard 11-track album I had. Even though for an 11-track the percentage of awesome music on there is incredibly high! So it was to Youtube for me where I spent the next hour and a half in complete contentment. Then I remembered I had 3 assignments to write and that brought me down to earth pretty quick.

So far this weekend has involved me working pretty much to the death on these three stupid essays. Well maybe not that hard. Actually more like not hard enough. But the amount of effort I've gone into reading up, thinking and worrying about them has been almost equal or probably more so than the amount of actual writing I've done. So all up I feel like I've invested a lot of time into them.

And not going to lie, it's been wearing me down.

It's not that I can't write, it's just that at the moment I lack the motivation to. Every step I take I keep asking myself the same old question. Why am I doing this again?! Do I really want another three years of study? Do I even want to be a journalist? Heck I'm not even sure if I'll get a job out of this!

I guess the best thing to do in times like this is what I've always done: Keep at it. Just try your best and rely on your determination to see you through. Which I am capable in every single way of doing. It's just that it's getting me down. All this self-doubt, this uncertainty. This constant worry that was not what I expected of this year. That maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Yet everything's worked out for me to be here.
And I can't help but think that this is where I'm meant to be.
I'm just not sure what for, that's all.

This is my heart, it's on the line.

Qualified!

It's official now!

I actually have a Certificate qualification to my name, proof of my completed studies in music.

This is a good day....

Not going to lie, I'm pretty stoked with my achievement. Even though it was only a year, it was a year filled with blood, sweat and tears. Nights where I'd lock myself in my room, and practice and practice my chops. Day after day where I'd cart my not-so-light guitar down the road for the twenty-odd minutes it took to walk to UCOL. Hours spent trawling Youtube and the internet, listening to music that I'd never heard before and googling random facts about bands.

That was the year where I discovered the heaviness of As I Lay Dying, Animals As Leaders and Depths. Where I listened to reggae for the first time and found magic hidden in the simplistic chords and chilled-out beats of The Black Seeds and Bob Marley. The year where my ears, and my fingers finally adjusted to blues and the incredible solos of greats such as BB King, Eric Clapton and Stevie Ray Vaughn. More importantly, it was when I discovered the power and depth to ambient indie music such as Sigur Ros, Bon Iver and (to some extent) Radiohead - all 3 of which would go on to becoming some of my favorite bands.

All of these in their own ways went to helping me really develop in songwriting in huge steps and bounds. From the backwards structure of my rock & roll riff we based our 50's style "Take My Baby Home" to the bluesy twang of a slide which I utilized for my "slow solo" in "Lonely Baby Blues".  Then there was the backbeat strum and entire bridge section I added to our punk rock kiwi original "Running To The Sun" (probably one of my favourite songs to write/play EVER), as well as the little instrumental flourishes I added to give depth and texture to "The Hospital" and "Nothing Stays The Same". Finally there was two of my proudest moments with "We Are Still One" and "Prodigal". Despite never having written (or played for that matter!) reggae or country I somehow managed to write full songs in both genres which actually played off pretty well. In terms of music and songwriting, it was a year well spent.

But perhaps almost equally in terms with musical achievement was the fact that it was one of the best years of my life. I was hanging out with a bunch of super cool people, doing what I loved best (playing music, duh!) and just generally having a good time! It really was awesome in hindsight being surrounded by people who were equally as passionate about music as me - we all got on really well (most of the time) and had quite a few laughs along the way. I made a couple of really, really good friends from my time there, and it was super awesome to catch up & graduate with a few of them today.

In a weird kind of way, I guess I slightly miss it. Playing music every second or third week was actually AWESOME! Not only did I get more comfortable with playing & performing, found out I could branch out a bit more (first year playing anything other than a guitar!), and made a lot of musical friends/contacts but I realised something really important. That this is what I loved doing more than anything in the world. And that no matter the circumstances, it is really important to follow your dreams and do what you love - not what you're good at, not what others tell you to do, not what seems the safest option. No - DO what you LOVE! Even if it's something as obscure and hard to succeed in as music! JUST DO IT! You'll find it drives you in a way that few other things can.

And I think one of the saddest things in the world is when people never get to do this. Some people never get the opportunity - and that's heartbreaking enough. Yet even worse is when you have the chance, but never take it. Or by the time you decide to it's almost too late and you're left wishing you'd gone for it years ago.

So on the eve of my graduation, I offer you this advice. I'm no world-weary musician - in many ways, I still feel like I'm beginning. I don't know it all, but I've been a few places and seen a few things, so don't completely disregard what I say just cos of my upbringing, beliefs, age or writing. This is legit good advice which I believe if applied can change your life in ways you won't believe.

Quite simply put, it falls into that cliched statement: Follow your dreams. Even if they're big. Even if people laugh at you for having them. Even if secretly you think you suck. I've been there, I've felt all these things. But screw what people tell you. If you have a dream, it's worth chasing, it's worth fighting for. And don't ever forget it!!





One (now qualified!) musician, out.

Jords

Names

Rachel.
John.
Hannah.
Matt.
Beka.
Jesus.
Stephen.
Sarah.
Clive.
David.
Bono.

Eleven names. Eleven people. Eleven different viewpoints on life. Some of them I have met. Some of them I know intimately. Others not so well. Some have sadly left this earth. Others are just beginning their journey. Yet this list of people - my friends, my influences, my inspirations, and right there in the middle, my all - could very well mean absolutely nothing to you.

Chances are you're reading this after you just clicked a link which lead you to this page. The first thing you saw (after the rather large title & photograph) was a picture of a signature and then a list of names. All of which (saving the all-important middle one and the well-known end one) you probably didn't recognize. They were just names.
Just names.

But...

To me, these names have faces. They have writings, songs, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, ideals and dreams much more than any odd combination of letters would have. A name is something we give or we receive. And like it or not, it marks us for life. It defines us in a sense, so that people can say our name and then list our achievements. Or possibly our shortcomings. It is the sole title given to any work that we alone produce. We own that. And our name owns us.
So then a name is a lot more than just "a name".

I've been thinking about names a lot lately. Mostly because I'm terrible with them. Yeah sure, I can spout off a list of them like the above one as quick as a wink (although I did have to Google CS Lewis' first name). But those are people I know: either who's writings and work I've followed or someone who I've held a decent conversation with. Or in the case of Jesus far more than all that. But when it comes to remembering names of people I don't routinely talk to or read of, I'm pretty hopeless. In a tutorial I had at Massey in the last week we had to introduce ourselves to the rest of our classmates, however I found that within the space of about five minutes I'd forgotten everyone's name. Then there was the even more embarrassing situation when I was talking to a girl from Lifegroup at church and had to refer to as "this girl" because her name had completely slipped my mind. I don't know what it was, but for some reason names seemed to stick in my memory a lot less than faces and situations.


This week I have been challenged to take people a lot more seriously than I do.
A lot of the time for me it's just small talk and recognition and then I consider I "know" a person. And yet sometimes I can't even remember a simple thing such as their name! Have things really got that bad that I consider a friend to be just someone I know, when really it ought to be far more than just that?

Thanks to various people speaking into my life in different ways I realize that if I ever want to be fully real with people and with myself, I need to be intentional about things. I need to be intentional about my writings, my music, my everyday conversations. Sometimes we just say things for the sake of saying things. I've experienced enough of that lifestyle to know that in the end it is about as meaningless and empty as your going to get.

In a world full of different people with different stories, different hopes, dreams and fears there is so much that could be said. And it seems like such a awful waste to have all this time on the planet, all these words at our disposal and to not be doing anything with them! You never know what a person is going through and what something you might say could mean to them. Words are a lot more powerful than we give them credit, and music is almost more so (kind of what I was hinting at when I wrote the line "Why can't the songs tell our stories...?"). So what are we doing with them?

I know what I want to be doing.
Letting people know that they mean much more to me than I sometimes let on. Whether that's in a blog list, or in some other way I want to take time to say thanks.
Then I want to do make an effort to be intentional about things. About my relationships with people and with God. It's not going to be the easiest thing to do - there are going to be times when I slip up and find myself back in the uncaring stage. But I mean this when I say I firmly believe it is something worth doing.
To start conversations which go a lot further than small talk. To really pray from my heart rather than just my head. Maybe tell friends things I haven't before. Maybe open up a bit and leave space for people to do the same. To start stepping up to the mark in life and in faith instead of letting myself slip behind.

Or even to just remember a name...

Sincerely (for once),

Jordan Andrew Gowan.
Jaguar Falls.
Jord, Jaws, J-dog.

And in everything, Christ's. 

This Day, This Month, This Year...

__, __, ____ .

Depending on whereabouts you are reading this (possible locations: USA, New Zealand, Australia, Alaska, UK, the Moon - ok the last one's slightly unlikely...), the above blank date could be month, date, year or date, month, year. Different systems but with the same meaning of course - except that if you're reading this from the USA/ UK you're most probably a day behind my current timezone (and if you're on the moon, I have no idea where you fit into this time equation). So for now just "pretend" it's the 28th and then we'll all be on the same pagelength. Or bloglength. Whatever.

Actually I kinda wish I was a timezone and a half behind, as I'm finding it a little hard to believe that it's the end of February ALREADY.  I know it's a few days below average length of months, but still, it seems to have gone by so fast.

And it's been an interesting 28 days.

For me in particular, February seemed to be filled with frustration, complications and an awful lot of waiting. Waiting for internet. Waiting for work to finish. Waiting for all my friends to move back to Palmerston so I could finally do something interesting. Waiting for that one song to hit my ears, to hit my mind. Waiting for that one thing to happen.

It seems the longer I wait, the less likely it is anything happens.

Ok, I'm flourishing the melodramatic statements here. I apologize. Things did happen. People came back. I finished work. Started Uni (again). Yet it seems like an awful lot of time wasted on my part just hanging out for something. I kind of wonder if I'm made to be doing this forever. Or as Matt Theissan so eloquently puts it "I feel like I was born/ For devastation and reform."

I really, really wanted to be able to write a different blog at the end of this month. Maybe post up the lyrics to the next "Let It Be" or some equally brilliant song. Or put something up about the changes I've made, or the bands I've joined, or the music I've written. When really all I have in my head and my hands are sketches. Things half-formed. Ideas which are still stuck in the hanger. Songs half written. Riffs that meander to dead ends. At the end of February, is this the best of me, or the worst?

"DISCONNECTED" (progressed little further than lyrics and rough ideas)

It's been over a week and my knees are still weak/ And my voice has been hurting from all the calls I've made. You sit there in your room while I sit here with the blues/ I've got everything to lose when we stay apart 

We're still so disconnected/ I'm not far from ending it now

It's one hell of a week when I'm on the losing streak/ And my ears are still hurting from all the excuses you've made. You sit there in your room, I sit here with the blues/ We've both got nothing to lose yet we still stay apart

"VALENTINES DAY" (mostly just music, as I pretty much dislike all the words I've written beyond these two lines)

Oh you caught me with empty hands and a restless heart that longs for you

Love will you find me? Love will she blind me?


Even though I've been guilty of doing more than a few, these days I just can't seem to force myself to churn out an average song. I guess this is good cos it means I'm getting more technical and in depth with my music, but in some ways it seems like all the sparkle, the magic and the wonder that makes a song a song is somehow missing. Am I doomed to inherit the space between average and brilliant-yet-unknown?

Bring it on March. Maybe if I'm ready for you, I won't have to wait...

The Great Addiction...

I have a confession to make....

I am an addict.

Now before I start getting comment after comment about "don't do drugs" or (even worse) "bro me too I light 'em up all day e'ry day", I should probably make it clear that that's not me. I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol, even though that would be pretty rock n' roll....

No I'm addicted to something whose talons claw a bit deeper than those mere flights of fancy.

And although this may come as a surprise to many of you, you're probably just as desperate an addict as me.

I am addicted to the Internet.

For the past one and a half months I've been fighting withdrawal symptoms. Suppressing the need to check my Facebook feed every couple of hours. Fighting the urge to check my email to see if I'd been contacted by the various agencies who needed to contact me. Missing people desperately cos I couldn't skype them or even message them. Having a million words to say and not even being able to communicate to the online masses through blogging.

It's not as if I meant to break my addiction by going cold turkey, it's just the way things happened. After taking a hard shot of 2 gigs on my t-stick, like an junkie I surfed the web, bought some music (Ryan Adams) and wrote an epic blog about country music (which unfortunately has now been forever lost to the world).
Then I ran out.

As I was too poor to justify buying another crazily expensive top-up, I thought I'd do the hard yards.
So apart from the very limiting internet on my phone (you couldn't even type an email without it taking 3 hours and a myriad of spelling mistakes which were near impossible to correct!) and the occasional "trip" to Macca's and the Library to utilize the free services, I was internet-less as an animal. Probably more so, given the amount of people's pets you can find on Facebook these days...

Today, in my one of the first lectures I have ever attended in my life, the lecturer made an interesting point - that our ideologies, experiences and views of the world are so, so, SO heavily meditated. We don't even notice it when we take the hit, but it doesn't take us too long to go under and subscribe to a system that sometimes encourages distance more than it does bring people closer together.

I mean we've all done it - messaged your family/ mate when they're sitting right next to you? Skyped your friends when they live a block away? It's cool right? Makes you feel pretty funny and you have a good laugh about it.

But are our physical lines of communication that bad that we have to resort to such desperate technological measures? 

See the thing which makes internet so addictive is that it's convenient. As a Generation Y-er sitting on the edge of Generation Z I know from personal experience that my, that our generation is all about what is comfortable and convenient for us. See, we're all about the individual, as long as that individual is us, not someone else. Yet is this always for the best? I've always found that the times in my life which are the best times are when I have been pushed out of my comfort zone. When things aren't always convenient, we unplug our devices and get down to the business of actually living, outside of the technological cage which we voluntarily make our prison.


I really guess now that I should have used my time wisely to connect with people on a much more personal level instead of pining about not having my latest web fix. It's funny how we notice these things in hindsight.

Still, there has been a few pointers I've picked up on. 
1) You get things done a lot faster if you go there in person.
I would have got so lost today if I hadn't visited Uni in the weekend with one of my very good friends and checked out my classes. And I most probably would have got the awfully long process of getting internet at our flat sorted a lot earlier if I had have been able to visit Slingshot's head office and complain about it there.
2) Worship is actually the best way ever to get some decent R&R in the midst of a difficult situation.
See, while internet is a quick fix, a short dose that never really manages to fully connect or satisfy regardless of what you're doing with it, worship is like a cure-all vitamin tablet that is good for the body, good for the soul and longer-lasting than anything we could find online (yes, even blogging!). There was one evening where I was having the roughest day out: had some family problems, problems sorting out uni stuff, had found out I wasn't getting internet for another week, and to top it all off my flatmate had just told me he was moving out. After a completely exhausting day at work it was the worst dose of bad news to happen. Not going to lie, I was close to tears. Then I picked up my guitar and began singing, and it was like a totally different spirit came on me, and I could see more from God's perspective than mine and couldn't help singing to his glory. It really was the best thing out there.
3) There is nothing better than a real-life conversation.
Although we've had some rough times in the flat already this year, my flatmates are pretty good sorts. And one night we all just ended up sitting in the kitchen talking for 2 hours about life and everything and it was just the best time ever. Real good community, good chat, and we had more than a few laughs. Really when you get down to it, that is one of the saddest things about this internet drug - that it can keep people away from each other because really it is easier to send a facebook message than actually arrange a time to meet up.


See, sometimes this thing called Internet ends up using us up rather than us using it.


While I reflect on all this and am now cautious of not taking my "addiction" too far, I can honestly say that it is good to have internet back. It's good to be back on blogspot.com again, and I hope that YOU'VE found it good that I'm back too. And maybe one day we will actually catch up for real, and we might just talk about this blog and what I was thinking about when I wrote it and what it made you think about when you read it. Then maybe, just maybe social media and the internet might be working for me rather than me working for it....

Blessings,

Jordan