If you're one of those few people who have followed this blog for some time, you're probably getting sick of this by now. I disappear for a few months, and then get right back into it, with an appropriately titled post (previous examples A Bit of an Update... and Too Long, My Dear Friends). Then I get busy with other things, forget to make updates (aka forget about blogging all together) and then reappear a couple of months/weeks/days later with the latest set of excuses. Unfortunately I'm all to aware of my bad habit. Even after 5+ years (I started this blog when so young!!!!!) I just don't have this whole blogging thing down pat.
I think my main problem here is commitment.
Despite my best intentions, I always really, really struggle with this. Whether its blogging or getting to know people better or anything really, I tell myself or others I'm committed to it while my actions show a different story. I just don't have the patience, or the time, or the energy, or the will, or the vision, or the.....
The list goes on and on, but really its just full of excuses. Pithy, pathetic excuses I make work in whatever way I can to try and cover up my shortcomings. The reality is this: I suck at finishing what I started. Or even just starting something I've thought about starting. So many of my ideas don't even take off, they crash in the hanger and its all because I can't commit to making them work.
Although this sounds kinda like an elaborate excuse, I think this is in part due to my wandering nature. I've realized now that I'm really into new things and exploring different facets of life, and this is why I find it hard to stay true to one thing (best expression of this - my music taste!). As Jon Foreman, one of my favorite artists ever, writes "I am restless" - and this isn't a bad thing. There is so much out there that people miss by not looking hard enough.
But at the same time though, there is so much merit in sticking with one thing. It proves your worth and reliability but even more importantly than this, it shows your dedication to a cause. It shows your dedication to a vision, to a dream, to a person. And this is something I miss in my life because of my problems with commitment. I miss the benefits you get from being actively part of something for a long, long time.
And now we're back to blogging. I used to wonder why I never got comments on my posts. Am I not insightful enough? Is my writing terrible? Does anyone still read blogs any more? ...and all the other questions which come with such self-doubt. I guess the main problem though is people don't really want to follow something which is so often all over the place.
Fair enough. I'm one of these people. Which is kinda why my faiths in something as unmoving as God. Because when everything else in life shifts around so much, its incredible to have something that doesn't. Jesus was aware of this and as a result he was unmoving and unshaking in his convictions while still caring for others. That in itself is an incredible testament to his worth.
He even had a few words to say about commitment:
"If you wanted to build a building, you would first sit down and decide how much it would cost. You must see if you have enough money to finish the job. If you don't do that, you might begin the work, but you would not be able to finish. And if you could not finish it, then all the people watching would laugh at you. They would say, 'This man began to build, but he was not able to finish.... in the same way, those of you who do not give up everything cannot be my disciples." (Luke 14: 28-30)And another one of my favorites:
"All you need to say is simply "Yes" or "No"; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." (Matthew 5:37)In other words, don't say you're going to do something if you're really not. Don't deceive people with your words, if you say "Yes" then make sure you do it.
I try and follow this, but I fall short so often.
So that's why this time I'm not promising to be making a comeback, to do this blog right and fill the internet with a bit of hope and good writing. Because honestly, I don't know if I can do that. Rather, I know that in a short amount of time my commitment will give out and it'll be some time before I'm back. Its almost inevitable.
BUT....
I will be back (at least once). Because this is something I want to do, even though I do it badly. Writing like this is what keeps me (and hopefully you) coming back. Cos this blogs not dead yet.
You better be ready for some infrequent posting. That's all I can say.
Jordan
3 comments:
Mate, you are most welcome to post infrequently or otherwise, but I often check to see what you might have had to say, because no matter how long since you last posted, whatever new thing you write has that timeless ability to bring the reader's perspective back to what is really important in life. And btw, five years and still writing on a blog is pretty much of a commitment as far as I can see. :)
Thanks for taking the time now and then to share your heart and make the world a richer and more connected place by getting a glimpse inside it.
Pretty much what I was going to say - irregular posting on your blog beats no posts, especially since the rate at which you update seems to coincide with how regularly I remember to take time to visit. Your refreshing honesty and talented authorship are always appreciated, keep it up.
Freaken beautiful stuff. You write in a way that makes me want to keep reading. Such solid thoughts too! Love your work.
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