On the way down...

Didn't really have the best of days today.
I woke up late again. This no sleeping (or should I say very little sleeping) thing isn't turning out to good for me at the moment. It would probably be ok if I had a consistent morning schedule, but lately I've been having to get up at either 9, 9.30, 10 or 11 on different days so it's really screwing with my head.
So because I woke up so late I had 15 minutes to get up and get to class. Which is really annoying, because it takes at least twenty minutes to walk there.
This means I had to skip breakfast, which I absolutely hate. You've got to have breakfast! In my opinion, everyday when you don't have breakfast never starts off right! And today was no exception.
Finally made it there after trudging what felt like kilometers with my extremely heavy guitar. Even though it was already fifteen minutes into our "practice time" I was only the second original member there. Needless to say, the other original member (our singer) wasn't particularly pleased about this. Quite understandable of course, but it didn't really help things.
The practice wasn't much better after that. I wasn't feeling top of my game, and it seemed nobody else was either. One of the members who's supposed to be contributing significantly to every song wasn't there, again. I failed at pretty much every single guitar solo I tried to do. We attempted to play a song we learnt yesterday. It doesn't really help having a practice like that and thinking about the gig you're supposed to be playing at two days from now. I'm getting really nervous now. Like insanely nervous!
And I'm so sick of playing the blues!

It's all starting to freak me out. And I don't really help things by avoiding practice and playing soccer and watching tv instead (though it was nice to have a break and do something else apart from music...).
ARRGGGHH!

I think what I'm missing the most is some sort of outlet. I love playing music with my classmates, don't get me wrong. But it's oh-so structured, and regimented. I feel like I need something else, some other group where I can just be myself and come up with all the crazy original stuff which has been stuck inside my head for ages. I mean, the only song I've written outside of course this year has been just basically a scatty ukulele jam with a few words over the top. Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad, but I just feel like I can do so much better. Like I have done so much better... why is it so hard to do it again?
Sometimes things just pile up and you don't feel like you're ever going to get on top of it again. Days like today, I can't help but feel like I'm on the way down again....

(Apologies for the depressing post, I needed to rant. Oh look and now it's late again. Hello again insomnia.)