So long with so little to do...

Seems like the story of my life.

I start something off only to never complete it. It's happened so many times. The biggest reminder I have of this is a rotting, half-finished catapult hiding behind some bushes at the old house. It stands as a monument - in itself pretty impressive as a structure, but totally not useful to throw things. The discarded siege equipment lies alone, forgotten, and incomplete. It's missing it's throwing box and counterweights. Or something like that. I could never quite figure out what exactly was needed so after a few half-pie attempts at working it out I did what I seem to do best - forgot about it and did something else.

I can't believe we've been going for four years.

It dosn't really feel like it's been that long. Sheesh, sometimes it feels like we're still just little kids jamming on whatever we can find in our sitting room in an attempt to get something to work.

While I never thought this would be what it is today, I've always had this major urge to push it as far as I can get it. Back then, as it is now, it was often a struggle to even get my brothers to come practice. We'd write some cheesy songs, play off a terrible keyboard, have no rythm, no guitars, no P.A, no microphones, and no style. Half an hour later, we'd stop, go back to our lives and not even practice for another week or two.

For the first one and a half years the name "Mayday" was almost ironic because we were so out of our depth that we had practically sunk our plane into the ocean.

But it was FUN! We had no idea, and that was the best part. We thought we were cool, and I thought I could write songs. We reckoned we had it down. And it was fun experimenting with lyrics. Writing about nonsense like "Kiwi on my wall" (no-one remembers that song cos we never played it live). Playing 3 chords on a beat-up acoustic and writing an ENTIRE song around them! (which was also never played live...) Being moved by a Black-Eyed Peas song of all things so coming up with "Under this Sun" which we wrote in less than an hour (ok, we still play that one occassionally).

Now it kind of seems like all the goodness is gone. Like the fun's gone. Like as if by learning how to be proper, decent musicans (well in my case half-decent) we've lost what we had in structures, taking a whole day to write a song, complex guitar riffs, double-kicking metal drumbeats, and all the things you find out about when you're so keen to suceed you want to know all there is to know so you throw yourself into learning. And it's only halfway when you realize that by learning all this stuff it makes it so much harder to find what you had in the first place, even though it may have been just a tiny shred of it.

Originality.

And it's not like it's falling apart. We probably just need another gig or something. We just have our own tastes now, our own likes and dislikes. We just now feel more pressure to write better and better songs instead of just writing them for the hell of it. We feel the need to increase our own musical skills. But in turn this means we play together less. We haven't had a decent practice for weeks.

It just feels old. Stale. Lifeless.

But at the same time, incomplete.

And I don't get it. Why must we build only to watch our sandcastles crumble? Everyone who knows music will be familiar of the dream of being a rockstar. But all I've found out this year is that if you let the dream posses you, then all it does is drain you and get you nowhere. If you throw everything you have into this dream, and it crumbles, then what do you have left?

A few instruments, and three guys who still don't really know what they're doing.

So.

This is my challenge to you, and to me.

Is there stuff you have unfinished? Stuff you hide behind bushes? Things you were once excited for and now find yourself asking "Why am I doing this again?" ? A unfinished project? An unwritten song? A particular blog post? Something you never told someone?

To myself and anyone who reads this: there are two things you can do.

1) Move on past that incomplete work. Sure, it might have been your whole life at one stage. It might have been all that kept you sane. It might have been something you threw your heart into. But that was the past. And this is now. I'm not saying just forget it, cos you can't ever forget the skills and lessons you learnt from that work. It's just that there's something else, something better in store for you. And with that behind you, keep this in mind, and make sure you finish it.

2) It's time for a lovely word! Reinvention. Say it loooong and slooooowwwww and it sounds amazing. Maybe the work, the song, the post, the words need to be finished. Maybe its time to put all else aside, and start new on what you already have. Make it different, and make it better. Keep the heart of it there, but maybe change the focus. Change the words, change the timing, change the mechanism. Make it be a completely different product from the thing you started off with. And then, when you let it go, you let it out, you'll be so incredibly glad you stuck at it.

You, the reader, and I, the writer, have this choice.

To complete, or to move on.

Jordan

[Note to all: I hope this post inspires you to act, and is not just one of my deep musings, but something which you can all relate to, not just read. At the very least, I hope you are motivated enough to comment and tell me about your unfinished business. Discussion can be a great way to bring things out. That is why I write - sometimes I am just talking to myself.]

Ps. If anyone knows of a good catapult builder, please direct me to them at once :D