whoah, whoah everything i said is over
whoah, whoah, i can't take this any longer
whoah, whoah, i need to get out of this zone
whoah, whoah, hope you see where i'm coming from.
- Comfort Zone by Everyday Sunday
this song really stuck in my mind when i thought of the whole situation i find myself in. as you may have noticed, last blog i wrote i said something big could be happening to me. (not counting rockquest haha!) and it did happen.
i am going to school.
now for most people out there they'd just be like "ok, whatever..." but it's really a big deal for me. last time i went to school was for about two months when i was 6. haven't been since. homeschooled practically my whole life, and then in one week, my whole comfortable little life gets shattered into a gazillion pieces.
now i'm not after sympathy here (though it would have been nice on Wednesday!). i am at the state where i feel like if i don't stop moving, i'm going to absolutely break apart. pull myself to pieces because i am just so darn SCARED out of my wits.
the funny thing about all this is that recently i haven't been very happy with my life. now i'm not trying to get all emo on you. i have the best family anyone could ever want, friends who are real cool, and a sweet band who i love playing with. :) it's just it felt kinda boring. like i needed a challenge. like i needed something to wake me up.
one of the worst problems i have is talking a subject to death and never getting onto it. like change. which is something i'm all for. but i've never done much about.
and now the change, the challenge, the doing of hard things, has actually came, i'm scared witless!
the problem with comfort zone is it takes effort to get out of it. it is so much easier to sit back and relax. but is that the way to live life? stuck on your nice comfy zone while the world is hurting? Christains aren't called to an easy life. Christ didn't say "blessed are you when life is easy and you can watch tv all day" (not that i've ever done that haha.) instead Jesus said "blessed are you when men shall persecute you... "blessed are the poor in spirit..." "blessed are the peacemakers..." "blessed are the meek..."
does any of those things sound even slightly easy to handle, or to do????!!
there is a difference between a good life, and a comfortable one.
and i want to live the first one.
even if it means doing probably the last thing i want to.
it's not going to be easy.
but i know that God will be with me, no matter what.
even when i can't hear him. even when i am to busy to listen. even when i won't listen.
it's so hard to see God in this situation. i haven't been looking very hard though. all my energy has been concentrated on keeping myself together. because i'm afraid if i fall apart i won't get it together again.
i know comments on this blog are very rare. but on the slight chance someone reads this before tomorrow, and you feel God wants you to say something to me, please, please share it. i may not like it but really just recieving anything would be such a huge blessing.
"for in all these things we are more than conquerers."
Blessings in Christ,
Jordan
4 comments:
Hey Jaws.
Ok so first I want to say Congrats! On the whole high school thing and on rock quest.
Second I want to offer some advice, wisdom, what ever you want to call it.
Ok, so as you know like two years ago I was in year 12. I was happy at school and things were going great. I wasn't as happy as I cold have been but I was content with where I was and what I thought I had planned. Then I got thrown a huge curve ball. I got into photography at school and it changed my life. I couldn't think about anything but photography. It was all I wanted to do. So I went and started to look.
I found out about where I could go after high school. I found people who were as passionate as me, and then I got thrown another curve ball.
I got told that, unlike Id been told, I didn't need year 13 to go to UCOL like I planed. I didn't need to wait another year to do what I wanted more than anything. So I had to choose. Live a life that was safe, and what I knew. With people who were the same as always, in the small home town. Or go out into the big brave world. Risk falling flat on my face in the hopes of being good at this crazy dream.
I chose to risk it all. "Ill take whats behind door number three".
On top of that, I got offered a job in Palmy, which meant that at 17 I was moving out of home, into a strange flat, going to a new job, with new people, in a town where I was all alone.
It worked better than I thought. UCOL was (is) the most amazing thing I've ever done. And even though when I come out of it, if I change my mind, I cant go somewhere else because I don't have all the NCEA levels, I know that this is what I love.
I could continue to tell you the rest of my long story, but Ill cut it short.
I fell flat on my face, and had to come back to the beginning. I held tight to my faith and knew that no matter how far I fell God would be the one to pull me back up. I kept taking risks, the same risks. Even though I've failed before Im not afraid of it any more.
I know how you feel. About being thrown in the deep end with school. I know how hard it can be to just go with it, even when you feel like just not.
I also know what its like to think about wanting more from your life. Doing all those hard things that make it worth while.
This is just another hill to climb in your journey. It might seam like a mountain at the moment, but you'll look back some day and see it was an ant hill. It might seam like there are no safety wires or nets, just in case you fall. But you have so many that you wont go down. God and all your friends, family and fans will be right there to catch you when you fall. To help you back up, to keep you on track.
I dont know if you've read the book do hard things yet but you should. You'll have this thing called wide reading to do at school, and this can be part of it. Ill send you my copy for you to read k?
Hope it helps. Here if you need me k?
Good luck xx
Cat
hey Jaws, thought i'd say congrats again.
while i can't top what Catherine said i can say that she is right. and also thanks, i know that i've fallen into complacency and need to break out (that thanks is extended to cat aswell)
cheers dude
God Bless
Kerry
BRO!
you should know that i'm incredibly proud of you.
what you wrote reminded me of something...it goes like this: if you ask God for patience then be prepared for people to start annoying the heck out of you, and having to wait all the time. because that's the best/only way you're going to learn it!!
hence why i have never asked God for patience :)
anyway, it relates the same to the whole asking God for change. he's going to shake your world up!
but that's exciting bro, that's scary, and hard, and sometimes you're going to fall BUT it's exciting, and you will get so much more out of it than you ever did by living life without any kind of risk at all.
fear can drive you to do great and amazing things.
i know you know all this, and i know you're going to get through this...in fact, more than get through this! you're going to come out tops bruv!
God is your strength, and when you're not strong He will be! when you're not sure where to go, He will guide you!
hold tight to him ok, and make the most of this! you are going to do great things.
love always,
XOXO
thanks cat! i'd love to read that book...sounds really cool! thanks so much for your comment.. it was just what i needed to hear.. :)
thanks beka and kerry too! you guys are awesome! really, really encorouged me.
Jordan
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