Life...

what is the meaning of life?

what is the meaning of life?

what is the meaning of life?

and where do i fit in?

~ The Meaning of Life, All Left Out

well i've just figured out garlics and rasins arn't the best food combination in the world.

no, i didn't actually eat them together, i just cut up some garlic and then i was hungry so i got some rasins out of the cupboard and ate them. that's how i came to this rather obvious conclusion.

anyway.....

life's really getting weirder at the moment.

all i can say right now is our family may be doing something which would completely turn my life upside down. it could be in a good way though. but either way, i've been kinda stressing about it.... and about life in general. i mean i'm still young, but getting near the end of my schooling, currently mostly unemployed, and i have no idea what on earth i want to do with my life. i mean i have several passions: stuff i love doing, but i can't see any scenario where i'll be likely to earn a living on them. i don't really know what to do with myself.

i'm almost begining to wonder if life has any direction at all. is there any clear cut path for me out there or is it a road filled with corners, hairpin bends, and no maps? i want my life to have direction, to have purpose. i want to mean something in a world full of meaningless. most of all i have a terrible inclination to be remembered. for making an incredible discovery, for writing an amazing book, singing an amazing song - something. one of my worst fears is getting to the end of my life (something i think about WAY to much) and saying to myself, "Man I wish I had done this, or I wish I had done that..."

anyway, back to direction. i always worry how can i do something worthwhile if i still don't know where to go right now?

whenever i start worrying about this kind of thing, it always takes me back to about a year ago, when we were out at our youth groups Holy Spirit Weekend. After a night of awesome prayer and moving in the Holy Spirit, the next day the leaders gave all of us these mini-devotionals with bible verses. i went outside in the beautiful sunshine, out on the deck where i could see the waves crashing on the beach, and read through this devotional. it was on Matthew 6: 25-26: Therefore I say I unto you, take no thought for your life, what you should eat, or what you should drink; nor for your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than meat, and the body more than clothes? Behold the birds of the air: they don't sow or reap, or gather into barns, but your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you much better than they? (KJV paraphrased by me.)

at the time this was a real Godsend. i had been worrying about exactly the same stuff which i've talked about in this blog. and this was like a bolt from the blue. a word from God. and he said, don't worry about it, give it to me. this was reinforced by the verse near the end of that chapter: But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and it's righteousness; and all these things shall be added onto you (Matthew 6:33)

i was literally blown away. and every time now i feel myself slipping into that old familar worry, i just think back to that day, and remember that God's got it all sorted, even if i have no clue. we humans are power freaks. we want to know what we're doing, when we're doing it, and why. we want to control our own destinies in a not-yet-logical world.

so the conclusion. the direction is wherever God's going.

it may look all over the place.

i may have no idea about my future. but it's not cos i'm vague and will be a hopeless case who lives on the dole my whole life. (well, hopefully not anyway...)

i want to be seeking this kingdom. because despite all my brilliant plans for the future, despite wanting to be remembered for something amazing, the thing i most want to be said of me at my funeral is " Jordan Andrew ------ was a true man of God."

i don't really care if anyone reads this, but it's just been so great to get this out there, and i guess you probably know a whole lot more about me now.

oh and PS shoutout to Tanner! as most of this post (apart from the rasin part lol!) was inspired by his epic blog. check it out! http://tannerpemelton.blogspot.com/

peace guys,

Jordan