Scribbles: Blessed

So I was going to do this in chronological order, working my way from Genesis to Revelation, however on today's devotion I take a slight detour. This one's what I'm feeling called to write NOW, not for any continuation of a blog series, but just because this is to awesome not to share....

Psalm 50:10, Matthew 6:25-33 on BLESSED

I added a new scribble to my bible today. As of about three minutes ago. However this wasn't just some random Googled bible verse to throw in for the sake of it (although admittedly I had to google it just to find out where in the bible it was!). No, this verse has been on my heart for a while now:

"For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills." - Psalm 50:10

Lately, every time I've started considering the problems piling up like mountains in front of me, this verse just springs into my head. I cannot for the life of me explain why, given the fact that I hadn't even underlined it till today means it can't have had that much impact the first time I read it. But in the last couple of months, these few words have given me SO much hope and peace.

See, I've had this financial problem.

Without going into details, because that will just take up to much time, I'll just say that I haven't had ANY money for the last month and a half. I've been living of my savings, scraping away at the reserves of what I'd earned on my summer job. Which doesn't sound to bad, but when you have to pay for rent, power and all the other various costs of flatting as well it means it can be really hard to get by. And while I'm good at saving, there comes a point when you can't because you simply don't have anything to save!

Every day for weeks and weeks, I would check my email to see if I had a message about my student allowance. I can't even remember the amount of times I went in to ask if it had been processed yet.
Needless to say, living off a shoestring was starting to get to me.

So I did the logical, Christian thing, and prayed about it. Obviously, because we all know it's the answer to all our problems. Just a quick "Please-and-thankyou God" sent up to heaven, and what do you know? The very next day my student allowance was approved!What do you know?

Except it didn't quite work out like that. Days would go by, weeks, and nothing would happen. Um excuse me God, what's the deal here? is all that I was thinking. What happened to "ask and ye shall receive"? To my shame, I even tried praying more "genuinely" about it, thinking maybe God would hear me if I "meant" it. Good idea, completely wrong reasons.

The fear was the worst bit. Fear that it would never come, and that I'd be flat broke, and have to resort to moving out of Palmy, taking out another loan or asking my parents for money: three things I really didn't want to do. I'll confess at times I got a little bit angry about it. Why does this have to happen to me God? And while I was wrestling with all this doubt and the burden of it all, two verses kept repeating themselves around my brain. The first was Psalm 50:10, the second is one of those passages I've held to for a long time, from Matthew 6. It's a little long, so I've only got the first and last verses highlighted in my bible.

 ^"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." - Matthew 6:25-33 

It's incredible to look back on this and see that in both these verses, I got my answer. Yet I pressed on, relentless in my stupidity. I wanted more, an answer that was consistent, relief from it all and
I wanted it NOW.

About four days ago, it all came to a head. I checked my bank account, and realized I had enough money to pay two more weeks of rent and then I was flat broke. So I called it. Fully genuinely this time, not pretending, I cried out to God for the first and the last time. I was tired of waiting, tired of asking yet not receiving, but most of all tired of not seeing God in all this. I can't remember the exact words but it was something along these lines. "Lord, I'm sick of all this. Sick of worrying about something I'm not ever going to be able to control. Maybe it's not your plan for me then, to be here right now. If not, then let this happen. Let me be flat broke, let my life go somewhere else. I don't even care anymore, I just want it to be your will, not mine." As soon as I had finished pouring my heart out, God spoke and simply reminded me that I already had been given the answer. BAM! and those two verses where in my head again. "Do not worry about your life...." , for "[I own]...the cattle on a thousand hills.". I was stunned. All this time, the still, small voice had been speaking to me while I had been waiting for a whirlwind. I went to bed that night so full of peace and content about it all, and had the best sleep since the start of it all.

Now this is the cool part: the very next day my allowance was approved.

...

Before you start getting ideas, I'll make this clear. This isn't just a nice little story about how God answers prayer (even though that is a part of it). Rather I want to use these two verses and my personal story to share what I learned from it.
Because from that night I finally realized WHY I had been waiting so long. God was using this experience to teach me a few things, and I almost missed them.

First of all, thanks to his incredible grace he didn't give me what I wanted, at least not immediately. I'm so thankful for this, because if he hadn't extended the time period it took for the allowance to come through, I would have missed so many of the things which he was trying to teach me! It just took me so long to get it! This in itself is such an important lesson. God's timing is spot-on. Sometimes things take a lot longer than expected because he knows if you get them immediately, or when YOU want them, it won't teach you anything.

Secondly the Lord really was trying to teach me something big about head and heart attitudes. As soon as I got it, I was so regretful of what my previous approaches to prayer had been. Totally selfish, hypocritical and pathetic whingings - and that's so not what prayers supposed to be! Yet so often I approach it like that, like a shopping list of things God has to give me. But it's not like this, and if I had taken the time to properly search Psalm 50 and read the whole lot, I would've got this. Because it's all about giving and getting. God doesn't need to give us anything. He doesn't need us to offer to make sacrifices of our time or money to him like bargaining chips so we get what we want. It doesn't work like that. He's more concerned about where our hearts are at, while we're still all about the giving and the getting.

Finally, I see the bigger picture, and that the last lesson God was teaching me in this time is potentially the most important. We are so, so, SO blessed! On the night when I cried out to God about MY problems, and MY concerns, as soon as I got these two verses in my head I was just overwhelmed at all the blessings I did have. Immediately I almost felt ashamed for asking for more. I live in a first world country. I have a cellphone, three guitars and a laptop. In my entire life I have never known true need. And yet I had the audacity to ask for something, knowing full well that even if it did not come I would still be provided for in some way! God blesses us in so many ways which we ungratefully just accept as "life" or "stuff" with the knowledge that we have so much more than so many. It just blows my mind to know that on top of that, he blesses us above and beyond that! My allowance got approved, and that didn't need to happen. Yet he gave it to me, because he is a good God, and he loves giving gifts to his children. BUT there's a pretty big call to all this. We're not blessed just for the sake of it, even though all we have we do not deserve. Matthew 6:33 puts it really clearly: "Your heavenly Father knows you need all these things. But seek FIRST the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Man, that is both such an incredible promise to cling to, and such a difficult challenge to live up to. Yet I believe we are called to do both. So take no thought for what you will eat, or wear, or get but rather for what you will DO.

Sunday Devotional: Scribbles Part 1

Lately I've been thinking about the Bible.


I find it pretty sad how a lot of Christians, particularly in the first world, don't take time to read it. Maybe it's because they disagree with parts of it. Or parts of it are boring. Or they just simply "don't have the time."

I can relate to all of those excuses. There was a time when I stopped reading my bible for those reasons. It was the beginning of 2012, and I thought I knew all there was to know about my faith. Or at least enough to get by. I'd read the bible my whole life, and had just completed reading it cover to cover. Admittedly it was only a chapter a day, and it did take me 2-3 years. But I figured by that achievement alone I was doing a lot better than most people.
So I stopped.

For about three or four months I didn't really read my bible that much. Yeah sure there was the occasional time I picked it up, and I'd read the scripture references at church. That was good enough wasn't it?

If by now you're expecting some massive tale of how I went off the rails, ended up in jail and then decided to pick up the Holy Book again, you're going to be a bit disappointed by the next part of the story. After those three or four average months where pretty much nothing happened, I just decided to take reading the bible again. I'm not really quite sure why. Maybe it was because I was going to a Life Group at this time and thought it was a good idea. Or something like that.

Interestingly enough, I found out really quickly that I had missed a lot. And with bible-reading I had kind of been missing the point. Previously I did it because I thought as a Christian it was something you were "supposed" to do. That it made you look super-holy or something like that. Now that I was actually reading it because I wanted to, I found I was taking it in from a completely different angle.

I began finding all these verses which related to me. Which sought out the dark corners of my heart and shed some light on them. These weren't just words on paper, they actually meant something. I began to see why the Bible was called the living word. When you read it like this, it really does come alive and speak to you.

I found after a while that I was sort of addicted. Night after night, I'd take my bible out and then have to go scrambling in the dark for a pen to underline a particular verse. I'm sure I've never scribbled in another book more than I have my bible...


About a month ago I got this strange idea.
It was to flip through my bible, find an underlined verse, and then write a blog post about it.

My first thought was "That's a great idea!". Then my second was "Hang on, that's a bit weird..."
So I left it for a bit. Got busy with uni and life. But the idea kept sticking in my brain. You should really write about that! It'd be cool! At the same time I had my doubts. Even though the subtitle for my blog is "Life. Faith. Music. Writing" I've figured out I don't actually talk about my faith all that much. What a misleading title.

I have no idea how this is going to work, or even if it'll be a regular thing. Knowing my work ethic it's highly unlikely. But I do truly think it's worth doing.

So with that in mind, I invite you to join me. Open your bible if you have one, and if you don't you should really seriously think about getting one. Or you can try out this hand website I found: https://www.bible.com/ . See, even if you don't believe in Jesus, I honestly still think there's stuff in there which relates to you wherever you are in your spiritual journey.
And you never know, you might just find salvation hidden in it's pages.

Enjoy the journey!

Devotional - Exodus 4:11-12 on Confidence.

"And the Lord said to him, Who has made man's mouth? or who makes the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing or the blind? have not I the Lord?
Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth, and teach you what to say."
 - Exodus 4: 11-12

This is the first verse underlined in my bible. In context it's about a man called Moses who had to undertake a super hard task. He was told to go and set an entire nation free from slavery. Sounds like Mission Impossible right? That's what Moses seemed to think and he told God so plainly. To which he got this reply.

When I read over this verse, it really speaks to me, because I feel like Moses so many times. Like nothing I say is good enough or is going to matter to anyone. Self-confidence can be hard to muster at times, especially after a bad day, or just when stuffs getting you down. Sometimes it just seems best not to say anything at all, right?

This verse gives me confidence that it doesn't always have to be like that. Who has made man's mouth? It wasn't me, so why should I feel like I have to control it, or be so afraid of speaking up? When there's something that needs to be said, it is best to just say it and trust God will give you the words. There's been so many times when this has happened to me and I'm actually almost shocked with what has came out of my mouth. Did I really just say that? I think God uses us to speak his words when we open our hearts to him, and let him teach us what to say. Exodus 4:11-12 reminds me of those times, and to not be so self-conscious about everything, but rather to put my trust in the God who created it all and knows words infinitely better than I ever will.


I guess this post is one of these times....