New Year

One Week Under

This song came to me in parts.
The first hint of it appeared on a warm Sunday afternoon when I was all but ready to punch a hole in the wall.
Instead, I picked up my acoustic and bashed out a chord sequence which, while angry was still surprisingly delicate given the circumstances it was born under...
Unfortunately. I couldn't let "my anger out" even that way because we had visitors and I didn't want to hole myself up in my room with my guitar.
Even though part of me kind of did.
The next day, I thought I might be able to put some words to it, but instead I just went round and round in circles lyrically, pushing out dead-end line after dead end line. In frustration, I basically threw down my guitar in disgust and decided to leave it as a sequence.

So, born and whittled away at with hours pent-up discontentment and discouragement, it was fitting enough that when the words did come, one of the first lines was" I never let my anger out, it stays inside my head."
The rest just flowed from there, and I finally gave it a name today, which was, for sake of a better one, "One Week Under"

ONE WEEK UNDER

I never let my anger out
It stays inside my head.
I clench my fists, my mind resists and orders it to stay.

Today I wonder
Can I take this much?
Signs warn don't test the waters, but I do it anyway.

Is it too much to ask for to have something to keep?
Is it to much to beg for?
An untangled dream for me.

We put our problems on a pedestal
And took a ringside seat.
They're not much to look at but everything's at stake.

Its times like this I think of
What could've been.
People say to not look back, but I do it anyway.

 Dear God I searched the skies today
I'm tired of looking inside.
When you look at me, what do you see?
Am I just another stray?

Its true I search for answers
With more questioning
Some people say to not look up, but I do it anyway.

I ended the year how it began
Playing to no one.
I started the next one on the run
Afraid to face my fears.
I always keep the same old problems
My angered heart would know.
They hunt me down, I know my doubt
Would bury me whole if I lost hope.

 (c) copyright Jordan Gowan 2013.